The trust checklist
Trust is more of a cognitive assessment than an emotion. Distrust is when you feel “what is important to me is not safe with this person.” That lack of safety makes authenticity and vulnerability difficult for fear of betrayal (rightly so!).
In Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown lists seven specific trustworthy behaviors:
- Boundaries—You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s okay and no okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no.
- Reliability—You do what you say you’ll do. This includes how you don’t overpromise and are able to deliver on commitments.
- Accountability—You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
- Confidentiality—You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. (Note: she calls this “vault,” I renamed because the grammatical inconsistency was bugging me, haha)
- Integrity—You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fast, fun, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.
- Nonjudgment—I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel or ask for help without judgment.
- Generosity—You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.
Self-trust ⚭
This applies to self-trust as well:
- Boundaries—Did I respect my own boundaries? Was I clear about what’s okay and not okay?
- Reliability—Was I reliable? Did I do what I said I was going to do?
- Accountability—Did I hold myself accountable?
- Confidentiality—Did I respect the vault and share appropriately?
- Integrity—Did I act from my integrity?
- Nonjudgment—Did I ask for what I needed? Was I nonjudgmental about needing help?
- Generosity—Was I generous to myself?
Or, per Istavan in Paladin’s Strength, trust is faith plus predictability. 🙃