Abuse is best recognized by the effect it has on the abused
I’m just going to paraphrase and quote this whole bit from The Dominance Playbook by Anton Fulmen, because HOW this this not foundational knowledge:
While there are people out there with malicious intentions, abuse can often happen when there’s no intent to harm. Unintentional abuse can cause as much harm as intentional abuse, and can be even harder to recognize and put a stop to, because when we look at the person causing it we don’t see the kind of villain we think of as an abuser. People get caught in unhealthy relationship dynamics all the time, and without the tools to recognize it and the power to change it, abuse can go unchecked for years.
The most difficult kind of abuse to recognize is psychological and emotional, not necessarily physical. If you don’t trust yourself and your feelings when something feels off, you might convince yourself that nothing is wrong, that it’s all in your head, or that the problem is you.
The problem is rarely “just you.” This can be a powerful signal that your body is trying to send you, and you owe it to yourself to listen.
Abuse is best recognized by the effect it has on the abused.
- see also: the relationship abuse checklist, one of the best indications I’ve found on whether a relationship is healthy or not